Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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