so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
