I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize