I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
