I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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