Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
lets start a swedish sibling band together
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize