i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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