I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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