whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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