Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize