i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
