I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
