Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
