That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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