She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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