there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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