nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
