You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize