Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
