You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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