wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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