I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
