grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
