I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
