Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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