If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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