Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
