Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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