You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i just google imaged poop.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
