New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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