i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
