the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
