You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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