On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
