Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
