next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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