Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
