My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
