seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
