can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
So vagazzling was a success
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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