I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
