Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize