Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
