I wanna bring you to show and tell
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
