I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
