"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
