i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
