Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
