Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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