I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
