I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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