woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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