If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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