And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
