at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
