also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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