You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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