You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
