Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
