They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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