can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
