i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
