i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
