But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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