We named our party play list daddy issues
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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