we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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