Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
