I faked an abortion last night.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
