Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
