My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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