If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
