how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
