So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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