Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
