Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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