we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You took a bar mat shot.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
