I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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