Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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