Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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