She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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