I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
