i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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