Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
