I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize