My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I don't think brook has ever known best
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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