And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Someone signed my nipple.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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