It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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