hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just want to make out with him forever
Randomize
