Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
