A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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