My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
