I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
