after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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