omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm at about main and main street
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
