We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Enjoy the penises
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
