As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
