Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
