From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
