If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize