What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
