He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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