I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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