We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
