tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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