she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
me + whiskey = a bad person
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
