I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You are the jesus of drinking
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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