I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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