you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
my liver is dry heaving
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
