So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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