good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
