Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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