After last night, I could never be a politician.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
