Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
