Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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